Baaaaad Tony's SF "Gotcha!!!" moment: the two-legged Lipitorous carnivorous Bourdainicus gives himself away! ;-)

Munching on a "cubana," the mother of all sandwiches," a 7-pound behemoth of a sandwich, at the "That's It" Liquor Store that serves "tortas" in the Mission District in San Francisco, Bourdain gives away the pharmaceutical secret to his pork-loving, beef-eating, meat-craving, ravishing carnivorous ways:

Bourdain: "Mama said, y'know, 'Don't ever eat anything bigger than your head.' But I think we're approaching Giada Dilaurentis size of beef..."

Bourdain: "hmmmm...Do I hate myself already... [friend laughs]... "

Friend: "There's not enough Lipitor in the world to...uh..."

Bourdain: "Well, I'll know for sure next ...I'm already on Lipitor."

Aaaaaaaaww-huuuuuuuh!!! Knew it! The Bourdain diet, for all his care-free attitude and the-Davil-may-care bravado, could not possibly be sustained at his age without "a little help from his friends," the pharmaceuticals!

He's already on Lipitor! The two-legged Lipitorous carnivorous Bourdainicus thought he could fool us! Hah!

The possible sudden and early death brought on by all that "dead animal" cholesterol carousing through his veins is kept at bay only by the slimmest of defenders: a "wonder drug."

So the vegans, vegetarians and other health food fanatics of the world do have a point, after all, huh, Bourdain?

Gotcha!!!

Gooooood Tony: Caught between shibui and ikeban in Japan

Caught between the empty space and wonder, a contemplative Tony is awe-struck at the simple wonders of Japan:

"The Japanese call it shibui, simplicity devoid of unnecessary elements. Only the good stuff, the object of desire itself. Everything else gone, empty air, the space between. The very things that disturb about Japan, the tight fetishistic focus, the easy compartmentalization, the love of ritual and precision, are also the things I love - especially when at the center of the frame, or ikeban style, slightly to the left or right of it, it's something extraordinary."

Wonderfully said and simply wonderful...

Baaaaaaad Tony: Starbucks Barista Juggernaut in the Jungles of Panama

hmmmm... looks like airport Starbucks baristas must join the list, among the Rachel Ray's, Chicken McNuggets and vegetarians of the world, as objects of Baaaaad Tony's wrath:

After getting a tattoo from a native Panamanian in the jungle as protection from insects, his voice-over goes a-Kurtz* on baristas,

"Nice! This will confuse the baristas at the airport Starbucks. Our whole crew walks in sun-burnt and bug-bitten... It'll scare the &$^$* out of them. 'Yeah, I'll take an extra shot of espresso in that venti latte, mother&$%^, but I ain't gonna pay for it. What do you think about that?' "

Yikes!!! ;-)

*As in Captain Kurtz in Apocalypse Now whom Tony refers to in the episode...

Hip cool Tony: "Why the French don't suck"

Sitting in a Parisian side-walk caffe`, Tony ponders on what makes the French truly great:

"What are the French famous for? Perfume, it smells good - the sense of smell. Food, it tastes good - the sense of taste. Art, architecture, visual sense. Ok. There's really no explanation for their crap pop music, but, y'know, three out of four is not bad. So it's all matters of the senses, directed towards pleasure. Sensuality and food in general being the best example.

In the English-speaking world there's always been a certain ambivalence about taking pleasure at the table. There's this notion, this puritanical notion, that if you take too much pleasure in your food, that it might somehow lead to bad character, might lead to harder stuff, like sex, for instance. I think the French have always understood that, yeah, hell, yeah, it does lead to sex, and it should. But that residual sense of food being good, of food being important, of being worth waiting for, uh, of food being worth spending time with... eating, uh, is and should be a joyous occasion, as should the use of all your senses.

So, America, perhaps you should try. Maybe duck out of the office when the boss isn't looking or call in sick for that boring meeting, pull up a chair at a local joint, grab a tasty bevarage, and eat a ham sandwich, really eat a ham sandwich. You just may find that you not only love the French again, but you may also love life, and, ultimately, the world. "

One of the coolest things Bourdain has ever said and one that elevates him to the very pantheon of hip coolness. This is not only an homage to France, French culture, and the French, but an homage to life itself, to everything that makes life worth living.

I have only one thing to add to that, "A votre sante`!" [cheers!] and "Vive la France!" [hurray for France!]

Baaaaaaad Tony: the Pleasures of Pork in Prague, Czech Republic

Surrounded by steaming globs of his favorite "dead animal" in a sausage factory in Prague, he gives it the ultimate compliment: he inhales it - through the skin! ;-)

"I'm having a pork sauna." ;-)

Naughtie baaaaad Tony: Istanbul, Turkey

Speaking of some delicious street vendor food whose juices and sauces overflowed its wrapper like lava from a bubbling volcano, he quips,

"It's messy - like good sex." ;-)

Good Tony waxing philosophical: NY's Outer Burroughs

Looking across the East River at the Outer Burroughs from Manhattan, Tony waxes philosophical:

"The Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island - they mock me across the water. They are like China or India, two other big places I'll never live long enough to know well. You take as many bites of the world as you can. The rest - maybe in a next life..." ;-)